Jack Bauer
From over at The Life and Times of a Butterfly Wife

1. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?

2. There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.

3. Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: “Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day.”

4. When Special Forces raided an afghan training camp, they found an empty camp and a pirated copy of 24 Season 4.

5. If everyone on “24” followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12”.

6. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

7. The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.

8. Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.

9. When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.

10. Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.

11. When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.

12. Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

13. Jack Bauer let himself be drugged, beaten, and captured inside a crate on a Chinese ship heading out of the USA with no way for help to find him. Now he has them right where we wants them.

14. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

15. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

16. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

17. Superman is one of the few individuals who could possibly survive a confrontation with Jack Bauer. But that is only because he can fly away.

18. In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.

19. American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24.

20. Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

21. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

22. Jack Bauer once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

23. . . . and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, “I’ll take it from here.”

24. “You don’t know Jack” is a blessing among terrorists.


On my list to do this summer is get a season of 24 via Netflix and see what all the fuss is about. I thought I’d still share this article. 🙂

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